I want to be very honest and say I’ve been dreading today a bit... And it’s mostly because I haven’t been ready to say goodbye. It’s okay, that’s just grief, it will pass

For those of you who don’t know me, I’m little Jordan, Frank and Jean’s first great grandchild. You’d think it was a lot of responsibility being the eldest great grandchild, but once you add the title “great” in there, it really just boils down to fixing the “broken” tv remotes , spraying the house for spiders, baking old family recipes, and accepting all hand-me-down furniture. Thank you grandma and grandpa for furnishing my home ❤️

In all seriousness though, I don’t think there’s one day that goes by that I don’t think about Jean and Frank. From sitting at their dining room table for breakfast to driving past their old folks home the Colonal belcher everyday to and from my office. Let me tell you, there have been days I have driven by there and my eyes are streaming tears, my head is glued to the road, and I just repeat “it’s okay, that’s just grief, it will pass”

Then there are days where I drive past and remember carefully sneaking in grape jelly and orange marmalade for my grandpa during Covid times (the home only served strawberry - his only complaint about the place), or the days I’d spend walking the hallways with grandma and having every single staff member address her by name (clearly, they knew her for reasons beyond the jam complaint), or the days when we all would go down to the main room and watch the live music and grandma couldn’t help but be the only one to get up and bust a move! She could really dance, even though she made all the staff very nervous. she always just took both mine and my grandpas hands and kindly reassured us that the staff weren’t going to do nothing to stop her.

I still think about the old house too, the one in Maryland heights - the site of many Sunday dinners, dance parties, Christmas get togethers, birthdays, stampede parties, thanksgivings, grey cup bbqs… or for me, almost every time I was driving east past Deerfoot or heading along Barlow. The routine was I’d stop in completely unannounced to be welcomed with a cup of tetley tea, a toasted tomato sandwich with cow cheese, some crossword clues from grandpa in the other room, and looking over dozens of puzzle pieces with grandma. I’d later be sent on my way with about a years worth of tissue paper and a 1 lb bag of wrapped chocolates “just in case”.

I sometimes get the courage to go see what the new owners have done with the place but then I quickly end up turning around at the last set of lights just before their house, get angry in disappointment and say “it’s okay, that’s just grief, it will pass”

Then there are days where I can’t help but laugh at the thought of my grandparents spending endless hours with me in their beautiful backyard - maintaining the frog pond, picking up the orange berries to make potions, sitting on their giant swing, or doing crafts like painting rocks or chalking the sidewalk… oh that sidewalk. Anyone who knows Jean and Frank knows their long goodbyes stretching down the driveway and onto the sidewalk as they waved and kissed goodbye.

I’ll be honest, and say I’ve been dreading today, and that’s because I’m just not ready to say goodbye to it all. “it’s okay, that’s just grief, it will pass”

But I don’t think I or we need to dread today anymore. I don’t think we need to say good bye. I think we should be happy we knew Jean and Frank at all, that we should celebrate all the good things they brought into each of our lives. I know that is what they want…. They want us to spend a little more time outside, have meaningful conversations with friends and family, eat some delicious food (and cookies), challenge that negative self talk, be creative… and above all be ourselves because that’s who Jean and Frank loved.

So starting now and every day moving forward, I say, let’s not just be okay, let’s all take after my extremely whimsy grandpa and choose the lightness no matter the situation.

I say, Let’s not just grieve, let’s laugh and smile and take after my grandma and find joy in the small things.

And lastly, Let’s not let these feelings pass, let’s choose to sit in the emotions and look back and reminisce and celebrate all the love they had together and shared with us as family and as friends.

So here’s to not saying good bye but thank you ❤️ love you grandma and grandpa